Ever wonder why a man will sometimes act so hot and cold? One day, he’s totally into you and very affectionate. Then suddenly, and without any obvious reason, he stops initiating text messages, acts distant on the phone, and avoids asking you out on another date. He may even “ghost” you.
It’s almost as if he’s lost interest in you overnight, or changed his mind about being in a relationship with you. It leaves you wondering what you did or said to change his mind about you.
What’s going on?
The bad news is he may have lost attraction for you, but it’s the last thing he’ll admit to you. And when a man starts to lose attraction, it doesn’t matter how “together” you are, how beautiful you are, or how hard you try to win him over. If you continue to make the same mistakes with him, he’ll just keep pulling further away.
And if you try to convince him that he should open up and share his feelings, or be more responsive again, he may become even MORE ambivalent or even downright turned off by you.
Before you do anything, read to see if any of these mistakes sound familiar?
Men and women have different ways of emotionally connecting with each other. When you expect a man to “show up” emotionally when he’s not ready, it frustrates him and he’ll pull away in order to have space to figure out what he wants or feels.
You’re really bothered by something, but when he asks if you’re OK, you tell him everything is “fine” and then mope or get silent, because you don’t want to complain or create conflict in the moment. Men have an intuitive sense that something is wrong, too. So when you avoid the truth, you’re actually creating the kind of tension you’re trying to avoid.
The weekend is coming up, why isn’t he asking you out? You’ve been seeing him for a while, and you assume he’ll take his online dating profile down. It’s been several intense weeks of dating, shouldn’t he make a commitment to you?
When a woman has the belief that a man can and should give her exactly what she wants, she becomes mentally and emotionally dependent on him by expecting him to meet all her emotional needs. This can lead to negative emotional displays and you appearing “needy,” which is a big turn off for him.
Yeah, so your co-worker offloaded a big project on you before she left for vacation. Do you REALLY need to bring it up and complain about it while you’re out at dinner? Wouldn’t it be better to just let it go and enjoy your evening? He thinks so.
You can’t stop talking about your last clueless boyfriend, your bad breakup, or your horrible ex. You also give off the “vibe” that you don’t trust him not to hurt you the same way you’ve been hurt before. He doesn’t appreciate that you’re not giving him the benefit of the doubt.
You want something from him, but instead of having a direct conversation, you say things like, “You NEVER want to do anything fun!” Or you poke or prod him into doing something you want him to do. It’s not clever or funny. It feels manipulative and mean to him and he doesn’t like it.
Men don’t become emotionally attached the same way women do. Therefore, expecting him to be more forthcoming about his feelings or to take things to the next level the same exact moment you’re ready is unrealistic, and feels like pressure to a man.
Men love it when a woman has lots of interests and friends and is perfectly content to spend time by herself as well as with him. He doesn’t like being your sole source of social life, fun, or good feelings.
You want to plan every weekend together. You have strong opinions about what he should and shouldn’t do. You may not want to admit it, but you like being in control. A man loves it when a woman is in control of her own self, but is turned off when she tries to control him instead.
When he first met you, you were playful, independent, and upbeat. But lately, you’ve changed. Maybe you’re more serious. Maybe you analyze everything he says or does, or want to be his advisor or play therapist when he talks about his problems. The bottom line is that he thinks you’re not the same woman he first met and fell for. And he’s not sure he likes the new you.
Here’s something else you need to know:
When a man suddenly pulls away or becomes distant, it can create a negative feedback loop in you. The more uncertain you are about his feelings, the worse you feel. And the worse you feel, the more you’ll start to freak out and act weird around him. Maybe you’ll try to have the “talk” with him or you’ll start texting him more often, pretending that you’re “relaxed” and flirting when all the while, you’re anything but.
This negative feedback loop pushes him even further away, and the cycle feeds itself.
It’s madness, and it doesn’t solve the problem.
But the good news is that it’s easy to have a man start feeling it for you again, if you know what to do. If you can learn how to create intense feelings of emotional attraction inside him, everything in your relationship will feel more effortless.
That’s what you’ll learn when you subscribe to my free newsletter, which you can receive in your email inbox. You’ll learn the secrets most women will never know about what makes a man fall in love with and want to commit to one woman and not another. You’ll also learn how to avoid the critical mistakes that literally kill a man’s attraction, and how to know what he’s really thinking and feeling when it comes to dating or commitment.