Will He Stick Around After You Get Intimate? Not If You Make These Common Mistakes
I've just bought your eBook and read the lesson about Thinking in Time
Frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex... but I've already made that
mistake and had sex with him. I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwards,
but as you wrote, he became impatient when we talked, and it made me so frustrated and upset.
Now he's acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship
and make him see my worth? I feel so disappointed about my actions. Christian, please help
Here's My Response
A. I want to give you a big hug... and then a hard dose of REALITY.
Ok, listen closely.
Here's something you NEVER EVER want to forget. It's the real truth about how most men think when it comes to sex and dating
in casual and UNCOMMITTED relationships...
Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn't mean that he's spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not
he wants to be with her or have a relationship in the future.
In other words... a man's not going to ever "see your worth" just because you've slept with him.
And more to the point, it is NOT the physical attraction a man feels for a woman, and getting close to her physically, that
makes a man really "feel it" for you and want more.
Truth: For A Man, Sex Does Not Equal Relationship
You need to think of sex and relationships as two completely different things that have nothing to do with one another.
What makes a man "see your worth" and end up FEELING so strongly for you that he wants a real relationship is something other
than sex and PHYSICAL desire and ATTRACTION.
Here's the thing...
I don't know if you see this, but you've moved on to wanting "something serious" right after you and he had sex, thinking
that sex of course means there SHOULD be a relationship and he should feel the same way about you.
As I've said before, and it bears repeating, the decision to have sex with a woman often has NOTHING to do with whether a
man has decided that he wants to "date" you more seriously.
And sure, it would be nice if men were different and didn't take sex so lightly. And it would be great if a man let you know
how he felt and what he really wanted before he slept with you...
But that's not the reality of how men think. Here's another thing you need to understand...
Being Clear About What Sex Means...Before it Happens
Let me ask you...
Were you up-front and honest about what you were looking for BEFORE you slept with him? Did you say to him, "If we sleep
together, I'm going to want a relationship."
"I only sleep with a man if he already values me and sees me for the amazing woman that I am."
My guess is that you probably did what lots of women do in the "casual dating" situation when it comes to sex:
You weren't clear on whether you were in it for the fun and connection of it all with him or for something more "serious."
You thought the act of sex alone would speak for itself.
Common Mistakes Women Make When It Comes To Sex
Here are a few of the mistakes women make that get them into tough situations like yours:
- Not saying anything about what it means for you to share yourself with him because you keep
telling yourself that he feels the same way you do... and you assume he wants a relationship
because he wants to sleep with you
- Not saying anything about your feelings or about wanting a relationship because you thought
it might "weird him out" or make it awkward
- Not knowing exactly know how you feel and what sleeping with him will mean to you until AFTER
you sleep with him and a whole rush of feelings hits you like a tidal wave
If you've ever felt hurt because you became physical with a man and he ended up not having an interest in dating or starting
a relationship, then odds are you can look back and see that one or more of the above scenarios was at play.
Of course, it doesn't seem like it's you who is making a mistake in these situations. It feels like THE MAN you're with is the
one who obviously doesn't get it, and is a player for not being ready for a relationship.
Unfortunately, this is the exact kind of thinking that makes it so frustrating and difficult for some women to figure out how
to move from just dating a guy to becoming physical and starting an exclusive, committed relationship.
Rest Assured, You're In Good Company
If you're like lots of women, you've been "caught up" in that moment and ended up sleeping with a man you weren't in a relationship
with, thinking that you're ok with it... and that it will be a good thing.
But then your true feelings snuck up on you and you started to freak out and feel awful when you saw that the man you shared yourself
with wasn't on the same page (wanting a relationship).
You created EXPECTATIONS from the situation that he had no part in deciding about or even discussing, and now he's freaked because
you're confronting him with what YOU feel and what he SHOULD want, when he hasn't even figured that out for himself yet.
Which leaves him wondering how he's going to back peddle out of this one...
I've Got An Important Question For You...
Who made this guy the final judge of your "worth" as a woman?
So cut it out. He's obviously not the one who holds the true measure of your worth... and he can neither give you your worth, nor
can he take it away.
But I'll let you in on a little secret.
I bet I know WHY you slept with him even though in reality you weren't really comfortable with doing so...
You did it because you were seeking his LOVE and APPROVAL. You're waiting and wanting HIM to be the strong,
masculine man who will lead YOU into open and unrestrained love. That way you can SURRENDER to the deep kind of love that you
truly desire from a man.
Unfortunately, that's not what's happening or how he FEELS with you right now.
But deep down, you believe that if you can come up with enough "proof" that he should love and value you, and if you can make
things "perfect" between you two, then he'll become the open and loving man you imagine him to be.
That's not how love, or relationships work.
Taking Back Your Sense Of Worth Starting Now
It's time for the little girl who's seeking a man's approval in order to experience love to grow up.
It's time for you to stop hoping that a man will become the man you want him to be, when he is CLEARLY showing you that he doesn't
even have a clue about what love is or how be with a woman.
You've gotta stop banking on what you think this relationship COULD BE, and what I call his "future potential" and start opening
your eyes to WHAT IS.
You're so wrapped up in his perspective, what he's doing, his feelings, his emotions and his desires (or lack thereof) that you've
all but forgotten about something WAY MORE IMPORTANT.
What YOU really want.
Do You Want Him Anyway?
I'll take a wild guess here and bet that the kind of guy that you truly want isn't a guy who is going to freak out or act distant
just because you're telling him how you're feeling after you've already slept together.
Of course not.
So why are you wasting your energy trying to CONVINCE him just so you can get the love and approval of someone who acts like a
person you don't even want to be with?!
That's right, you DON'T want to be doing this, but you don't feel like you can help yourself right now.
There's a better way...
Let's move on to figuring out what to do NOW...
Love, Sex, And The Mind Of A "Masculine Man"
I'm going to give you a short lesson on why men act the way they do when it comes to sex.
Each person has a certain balance of masculine and feminine "energy." Obviously, men have more masculine and women have more
feminine, but every person can have a little of both.
The feminine energy grows with connection and love, and with "surrender" to all kinds of joyful experiences.
This is often why women feel a sense of connection and surrendering with sex, and often have deeper feelings for a man afterwards.
But the masculine energy doesn't work this way. The masculine energy seeks CHALLENGE and a feeling of "emptiness" and "freedom."
This "freedom" or emptiness is actually the masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.
Just as the feminine means is connection and loving.
What The Masculine Energy Needs
Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to sleep or act like they're off somewhere else after sex?
It's because the tension of reaching their "challenge" (sex) is released, and now they feel a sense of emptiness and freedom from
With sex, a man doesn't automatically "surrender" to love and connection the way a woman does...unless he LEARNS to.
And here's another way of looking at it...
Have you noticed that most men don't have the same strong drive to be deeply and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people around them
like most women do?
They don't call their friends and talk on the phone on a regular basis, and they don't worry about how "close" their relationships
to their friends and family are at any given moment.
Oftentimes, they're driven by something that has nothing to do with love, intimacy and connection.
But men CAN become more emotionally-conscious and aware of what's going on around them in love and relationships. And if they have
a woman who "gets it", something amazing can happen...
If a man has those intense strong feelings that make him feel physically and EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED to a woman, then she can lead
and challenge him in ways that will make him grow into a great lover and partner.
For instance, a woman can help a man understand how to finally find the "freedom" he looks for in a new way - through LOVE and
What You Need To Create In Him BEFORE You Have Sex
Here's the thing...
Yes, you might have "goofed" by being physical with him too early - you know, before you were clear about what YOU wanted, so that
you wouldn't get hurt if you found out he didn't want the same thing.
But stop being so hard on yourself. It's the past, and it's not the problem now. The real problem now is something entirely different.
Sleeping or being physical with a man is NOT a bad thing.
But FIRST you've got to CREATE the right FEELINGS inside him - feelings that have nothing to do with SEX - for sex to end up truly
bringing you closer in love.
A man won't "fall" for you just because you've slept together. Although, it's likely that YOU will feel more bonded to him after
sleeping with him.
It's part of the biological make-up of a woman and a man. It's the way things are "wired."
So you want to know how to "re-wire" things?
First of all, stop hoping that the fact that you've had sex will magically win him over into being an open and loving partner like
What you need to know is there. In it, I reveal another kind of ATTRACTION that goes deeper than just the everyday PHYSICAL
ATTRACTION a man can feel for you: EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION.
When a man feels ATTRACTION for you in this way, then he will become EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED to you on a deeper level than he
ever could simply through his physical desire for you.
You know a man has intense physical desires. That's easy.
But have you taken the time to learn how the deeper, more "relationship-oriented" feelings and emotions are created inside him?
The feelings that make a man want to be with one woman in a committed relationship are different than what makes A WOMAN open to
exploring a relationship.
Ever Thought About What A Man Really Wants In A Woman?
I'm talking about mature, healthy men here. Not "man-boys" or "players", who have a totally different agenda altogether.
Men want someone they feel deeply ATTRACTED to.
They want to have that feeling of WANTING a woman.
They want to worship her, to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her off her feet with their physical and emotional presence.
And for the woman to be utterly and completely taken with them and what they do.
So, what happens when men act like they're not interested in anything serious or don't want a relationship or their too busy to
have one... or any other of a list of lame excuses they give you?
This happens because most women don't create the experience that will make a man FEEL this way.
Plain and simple.
A man is looking for that "WOW!" experience with a woman. And when he doesn't feel it, there's nothing a woman who doesn't make
him FEEL this way can do or say to make him want something more with her.
He just loses interest and moves on.
But keep reading, because I'm going to show you how to create that unforgettable experience for him...
His Drive To Be Challenged... And Win
The other thing to know is that men have something that I call the "Pursuit Gene."
There's a drive in men that makes them want to be CHALLENGED... and to overcome that challenge. I know it sounds cliche, but it's
Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman. And then they want to win the woman over and
feel stronger as a man for having done it.
Men will meet this challenge in one of two ways:
- They'll find fulfillment from the feeling of "freedom" and emptiness by physically
being with a woman in the short-term (sex)
- They find connection and love by physically AND emotionally being with the woman in
a deeper and "longer-term" way (relationship)
Here's the AMAZING part...
A woman helps him choose which it will be with her.
The Point Is, Men LOVE The Chase
It's part of their genetic make-up.
But if a woman loses control emotionally, seeks HIS APPROVAL, or thinks she can trade sex to receive love before a man is experiencing
an intense desire to WIN HER OVER and to be with her, then something else happens.
The man loses that feeling of excitement and challenge with her. He recognizes that the woman has already given over physical and
emotional CONTROL to him. Which destroys the strongest "lead-in" to creating lasting love with a man.
What is that "lead-in"?
Men want to feel ATTRACTION.
They don't want a woman to try to convince them that what they're experiencing and feeling should be meaningful and loving. No. That's
not how men work.
Instead, they want to FEEL their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and
Get where I'm going here?
Don't Deny Him The Thrill Of The Chase
So if you don't allow a man to FEEL that desire, to feel like he can't stop thinking about you and wanting you BEFORE you sleep with him,
it won't create a situation where he's going to want anything more than a fleeting sexual experience.
There is a way to get a man FEELING it for you.
There are specific behaviors and attitudes that make a woman literally IRRESISTIBLE to a man, so that he will feel that strong desire to
be with you before, during and the all-important AFTER getting physically intimate with him.
And he will not only be "open" to talking about something deeper and more meaningful with you, he'll INSIST on it.
How To Make Him Want You And Only You
I've put together an entire program about what it is that makes a man fall madly for you because he just can't stop thinking about you
and wanting you.
This program is Natural & Lasting Attraction. In it, I explain exactly what a woman can do and say to push all the
"right buttons" to create Emotional Attraction.
I also reveal little-known secrets such as:
- How to spot and identify an immature man QUICKLY so you never again waste your time on
someone who doesn't deserve you
- The 5 things about a woman that a man is genetically programmed to be attracted to...
and how to quickly let a man know you possess ALL these qualities
- The mysterious "missing ingredient" that makes a man interested in MUCH MORE than just
a short fling or affair
And tons more...
I explain it all right here (and you can watch right now):
I don't ever want you to feel insecure and uncertain when you sleep with a man. Watch Natural & Lasting Attraction now and find out
what it takes to be the woman he can't wait to be physically AND emotionally close with... again and again.
I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love,
Natural & Lasting Attraction
Use "Emotional Attraction" to create a deep connection:
- Spark his interest
- Make him crave you
- Avoid "attraction killers"
Meeting The One
Learn the exact steps to go from "hello" to "I love you":
- Meet a quality, available man
- Show him you're a great catch
- Create a solid relationship foundation