Will He Stick Around After You Get Intimate? Not If You Make These Common Mistakes

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Friend, quick quiz for you.

I’m going to pack this article with a lot of important insights and tips that are going to completely change the way you relate to men when it comes to sex, so make sure you read all the way to the end…

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Ok, here we go…

What is a man thinking when it seems like he’s “into you” at first, but soon after you get intimate with him, he “cools off” and starts acting distant?

How can you tell if it’s too early to sleep with a man? And what can you do if you’ve ALREADY been physical… and now he has stopped calling for no apparent reason whatsoever?

I received an email from a reader who went through this exact situation. I think you’ll feel her pain and see why I wanted to respond to her:

Q. Hi Christian,

I’ve just bought your eBook and read the lesson about Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex… but I’ve already made that mistake and had sex with him.

I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwards, but as you wrote, he became impatient when we talked, and it made me so frustrated and upset.

Now he’s acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship and make him see my worth? I feel so disappointed about my actions. Christian, please help me.

Justine

Here’s My Response

A. I want to give you a big hug… and then a hard dose of REALITY.

Here’s something you NEVER EVER want to forget. It’s the real truth about how most men think when it comes to sex and dating in casual and UNCOMMITTED relationships…

Ready?

Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn’t mean that he’s spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her or have a relationship in the future.

In other words… a man’s not going to ever “see your worth” just because you’ve slept with him.

And more to the point, it is NOT the physical attraction a man feels for a woman, and getting close to her physically, that makes a man really “feel it” for you and want more.

Truth: For A Man, Sex Does Not Equal Relationship

You need to think of sex and relationships as two completely different things that have nothing to do with one another.

What makes a man “see your worth” and end up FEELING so strongly for you that he wants a real relationship is something other than sex, and PHYSICAL desire, and ATTRACTION.

Here’s the thing…

I don’t know if you see this, but you’ve moved on to wanting “something serious” right after you and he had sex, thinking that sex of course means there SHOULD be a relationship and he should feel the same way about you.

Not true.

The decision to have sex with a woman often has NOTHING to do with whether a man has decided that he wants to “date” you more seriously.

And sure, it would be nice if men were different and didn’t take sex so lightly. And it would be great if a man let you know how he felt and what he really wanted before he slept with you…

But that’s not the reality of how men think. Here’s another thing you need to understand…

Being Clear About What Sex Means… Before it Happens

Let me ask you…

Were you up-front and honest about what you were looking for BEFORE you slept with him? Did you say to him, “If we sleep together, I’m going to want a relationship.”

Or…

“I only sleep with a man if he already values me and sees me for the amazing woman that I am.”

My guess is that you probably did what lots of women do in the “casual dating” situation when it comes to sex:

You weren’t clear on whether you were in it for the fun and connection of it all with him or for something more “serious.” You thought the act of sex alone would speak for itself.

Common Mistakes Women Make When It Comes To Sex

Here are a few of the mistakes women make that get them into tough situations like yours:

  • Not saying anything about what it means for you to share yourself with him because you keep telling yourself that he feels the same way you do… and you assume he wants a relationship because he wants to sleep with you
  • Not saying anything about your feelings or about wanting a relationship because you thought it might “weird him out” or make it awkward
  • Not knowing exactly how you feel and what sleeping with him will mean to you until AFTER you sleep with him and a whole rush of feelings hits you like a tidal wave

If you’ve ever felt hurt because you became physical with a man and he ended up not having an interest in dating or starting a relationship, then odds are you can look back and see that one or more of the above scenarios was at play.

Of course, it doesn’t seem like it’s you who is making a mistake in these situations. It feels like THE MAN you’re with is the one who obviously doesn’t get it, and is a player for not being ready for a relationship.

Unfortunately, this is the exact kind of thinking that makes it so frustrating and difficult for some women to figure out how to move from just dating a guy to becoming physical and starting an exclusive, committed relationship.

Rest Assured, You’re In Good Company

If you’re like lots of women, you’ve been “caught up” in that moment and ended up sleeping with a man you weren’t in a relationship with, thinking that you’re ok with it… and that it will be a good thing.

But then your true feelings snuck up on you and you started to freak out and feel awful when you saw that the man you shared yourself with wasn’t on the same page (wanting a relationship).

Were you up-front and honest about what you were looking for BEFORE you slept with him? Did you say to him, “If we sleep together, I’m going to want a relationship.”

You created EXPECTATIONS from the situation that he had no part in deciding about or even discussing, and now he’s freaked because you’re confronting him with what YOU feel and what he SHOULD want, when he hasn’t even figured that out for himself yet.

Which leaves him wondering how he’s going to backpedal out of this one…

What You Need To Create In Him BEFORE You Have Sex

Here’s the thing…

Yes, you might have “goofed” by being physical with him too early – you know, before you were clear about what YOU wanted, so that you wouldn’t get hurt if you found out he didn’t want the same thing.

But stop being so hard on yourself. It’s the past, and it’s not the problem now. The real problem now is something entirely different. Sleeping or being physical with a man is NOT a bad thing.

But FIRST you’ve got to CREATE the right FEELINGS inside him – feelings that have nothing to do with SEX – for sex to end up truly bringing you closer in love.

A man won’t “fall” for you just because you’ve slept together. Although, it’s likely that YOU will feel more bonded to him after sleeping with him.

It’s part of the biological make-up of a woman and a man. It’s the way things are “wired.”

So you want to know how to “re-wire” things?

First of all, stop hoping that the fact that you’ve had sex will magically win him over into being an open and loving partner like you are.

You know a man has intense physical desires. That’s easy.

But have you taken the time to learn how the deeper, more “relationship-oriented” feelings and emotions are created inside him?

The feelings that make a man want to be with one woman in a committed relationship are different than what makes A WOMAN open to exploring a relationship.

Ever Thought About What A Man Really Wants In A Woman?

I’m talking about mature, healthy men here. Not “man-boys” or “players,” who have a totally different agenda altogether.

Men want someone they feel deeply ATTRACTED to.

They want to have that feeling of WANTING a woman.

They want to worship her, to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her off her feet with their physical and emotional presence. And for the woman to be utterly and completely taken with them and what they do.

So, what happens when men act like they’re not interested in anything serious, or don’t want a relationship, or they’re too busy to have one… or any other of a list of lame excuses they give you?

Man And Woman In Bed

This happens because most women don’t create the experience that will make a man FEEL this way.

Plain and simple.

A man is looking for that “WOW!” experience with a woman. And when he doesn’t feel it, there’s nothing a woman who doesn’t make him FEEL this way can do or say to make him want something more with her.

He just loses interest and moves on.

They don’t want a woman to try to convince them that what they’re experiencing and feeling should be meaningful and loving. No. That’s not how men work.

Instead, they want to FEEL their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.

Get where I’m going here?

Don’t Deny Him The Thrill Of The Chase

So if you don’t allow a man to FEEL that desire, to feel like he can’t stop thinking about you and wanting you BEFORE you sleep with him, it won’t create a situation where he’s going to want anything more than a fleeting sexual experience.

There is a way to get a man FEELING it for you.

There are specific behaviors and attitudes that make a woman literally IRRESISTIBLE to a man, so that he will feel that strong desire to be with you before, during, and the all-important AFTER getting physically intimate with him.

And he will not only be “open” to talking about something deeper and more meaningful with you, he’ll INSIST on it.

I reveal these specific behaviors and attitudes in my free dating advice newsletter, Catch Him and Keep Him. I created this newsletter to give you the inside scoop of what he’s really thinking, so you can learn exactly what to say and do to have HIM begging YOU for a commitment.

I’ll teach you all the reasons why men pull away, and what you can do to snap him back to attention and feel intensely attracted to you.

And I’ll help you understand the male psychology like never before, so you can identify which men are real “relationship-material” and who to avoid so you stop getting your heart broken and wasting precious time.

There is literally no reason for you not to subscribe. It’s completely free, and filled with valuable advice that you need to catch and keep the man of your dreams.

Get My Best Tips And Advice Free In Your Inbox

  • What to do if he is distant and seems to have fallen out of love.
  • Word-for-word love scripts to help you bring him closer than ever before.
  • The secret psychology that makes him want to commit for life.
  • The magic power you didn’t know you had to make him want you.

No Spam Policy | We will not sell your info

Subscription FAQ | Cancel Subscription Any Time