He Loves You But Won’t Commit? Try ThisEver feel frustrated that loving a man and being together in a relationships ends up being a whole lot more "work" than it should be? If so, then you should know that it doesn't have to be this way. Having a loving and lasting relationship with a man can be as easy for you as it is for other seemingly "lucky" women. If you really want to give yourself the very best chance at a truly loving and committed relationship that LASTS... there are 2 things you absolutely have to do: 1) Choose The Right Man (And The Wrong One) 2) Understand Why A Man Will Commit To One Woman And Not Another... And Have Him Choose YOU Let's talk about this first one - choosing the right man. The man you choose makes all the difference. Sure, all men were created equal... but not in terms of their ability to be great lovers and partners in a lasting relationship. You wouldn't want to try and fly across the Atlantic ocean with a tiny little inflatable balloon holding you up... So the same goes for men when it comes to love and what you do with your own heart. You wouldn't want to try and date a man who's immature and painfully out of touch with his feelings (and yours)... and then try and create a deep and fulfilling lifetime relationship with this man. It's going to be a struggle at every turn. But that certainly doesn't keep a lot of women from trying. I'm sure you already know several women who have dated men who were just never going to be the kind of loving partner they want. And they kept trying to change him, fix him, or save the relationship from it's inevitable shortcomings. But instead of all this working, and things getting better for all their hard work trying to hold their relationship together on their own... these women simply ran themselves into the ground. I know you know exactly what I'm talking about here. You've probably done this yourself once or twice. An unfortunately common situation I see and hear about all the time is when a loving woman gets involved with a man who isn't at her "level", or doesn't really want what she wants... and she does everything possible but the one thing she really needs to do most - To stop to recognize and ACCEPT the things that are true about the man she's with. Things like him not wanting to COMMIT. Too many women who come up against a man who is telling them they "aren't ready", or is acting in ways that show this, like not calling often, breaking dates, etc... instead of seeing this for what it is (him not FEELING the feelings he would feel if he was wanting more)... they end up trying to MANUFACTURE those feelings in him. Or worse... they start to CRITICIZE or blame him for not having these feelings in the first place. As though he's wrong for not feeling what they want him to feel. Big mistake. This basically GUARANTEES that a man won't "feel it" for you and start to get closer and want a more serious and loving relationship. In fact, it makes most men RUN. Of course, men play a large part in the confusion here. When a man is dating a woman who's attractive and interesting... he will often ACT in ways that say to a woman that he does want to be with her - as he shows love and caring through his PHYSICAL ACTIONS (touch, affection, sex). But this doesn't mean that he is completely engaged on an EMOTIONAL level, and moving towards a deeper relationship. This is what I call "The Danger Of A Connection" in my e-Book, “Catch Him & Keep Him.” FYI - you can download my eBook and be reading it in a few minutes if you go here: The "Danger Of A Connection" goes like this... Just because you and a man share a deeper connection, and he is close and intimate with you... it does NOT mean that he's indicating his desire for a more serious RELATIONSHIP. But for lots of women, the connection they feel tells them that they are ALREADY in a relationship. So who's right? Are men too "commitment-phobic" as they deny this obvious level of connection? Or are women making TOO MUCH MEANING out of that special connection? Who cares. What matters is what you do about it, and how it works out in your life. Men could stand to learn more about what that level of "connection" means, and how it could lead to an amazing and loving relationship. Just as women could stand to learn more about how that connection itself is about being in the PRESENT MOMENT... and to not attach too much meaning to it before it's there. If you want to learn how a real and committed relationship gets started and works for a man... and how to be the woman a man sees himself being with and wanting to stay with... then you need to get past simply thinking that the "connection" you have with a man means he wants to start a real relationship with you. A man can enjoy simply "being" with a woman, but not have a desire for more when it comes to a relationship. To create a deeper level of physical and emotional commitment, where a man is not only loyal and loving, but he becomes your equal partner in keeping you close and together... then you need to understand what makes a man FEEL this way in the first place. So how can you give yourself the very best chance at creating a loving and LASTING relationship with a man? It is by understanding why a man will commit to one woman and not another, and having the man you want choose YOU. There are 2 parts you MUST address for yourself as a woman if you want to attract a great guy, have him CHOOSE YOU, and have your relationship work and LAST. Here's the first... You have to "have your act together." If someone is in a negative "emotional state" in their life, then they're going to have a hard time making great decisions, saying positive things... and doing what serve themselves and the people around them best. In fact, you can even give someone who's in a bad emotional state the right advice of what to say and do in a particular situation, or share a healthier perspective with them... yet they'll still often mess things up for themselves because of what's going on inside them. There's no hiding the intense emotions, fears, or frustrations we have inside. Especially in close, intimate, romantic relationships. These things ALWAYS come out in one way or another. Point being, if you have a lot of pain or frustration you're holding on to from any of your past relationships... a man is going to sense these whether you mention them or not. If you're like some women I've talked to and helped in their relationships... then you've loved before and had things fall apart unexpectedly. And this experience caused you to change some of your views and beliefs about men, dating, love, and relationships. One of the common beliefs I hear that women carry around is that "men don't stay"... or that "men always leave". This is a very DESTRUCTIVE mindset or belief that screws up way too many women in their new relationships. Why? Well, the short answer is that it causes them to hold FEAR and UNCERTAINTY in their minds. And these things create all kinds of intense and negative EMOTIONAL REACTIONS to things a man says or does - even if they aren't a big deal. For instance... if you're worried that a man is going to leave you and he doesn't call for a day or two, your mind is sent reeling with millions of ideas about the bad things 'him not calling' means and what he's thinking that's BAD. But if you're in the kind of place on a personal and emotional level where you feel centered and CONFIDENT about yourself, your life, and you trust in what's happening with the man in your life... then when he doesn't call for a day or two, your mind doesn't go off the deep end and send you into an emotional tail-spin. Here's where all this gets FASCINATING... If you're in that place of FEAR and UNCERTAINTY with a man about "where things are going" and if he's going to leave or stay... then the experience a man has of you is VERY DIFFERENT than if you're in that more positive and centered emotional place. When he finally does call on day 2 or 3 since you spoke last... you pick up the phone and the way you are, how you respond, and the things you're thinking about and saying create that weird feeling where something just isn't right. And it's a huge TURN OFF to a man and puts a whole lot of distance between you because your mind is off somewhere worrying. When a man senses and feels this, he doesn't say to himself - "Oh, she must be going through something, I should ask what it is." Instead he just FEELS WEIRD around you and wants to get away. And trying to SHARE MORE of your fearful, anxious, worried feelings are only going to create more of what's going wrong in the first place and push him away. Now, I know it would be nice if men were more compassionate about these things, and didn't react and pull away. But I'm not talking to men right now. I'm talking to YOU. Of course, you can't really do much to fake your true feelings and what's going inside you. But you should know... Men know RIGHT AWAY if they are dealing with a woman who has her "act together", or if you're over-analyzing and worrying about every little thing. And the more a man senses that there's something intense and emotional going on inside of you, and it creates more of that subtle weird feeling in him... the less likely a man will ever be to get closer to you and want to grow a more serious relationship with you. MOVING PAST “CASUAL” Now that we've covered getting your "inner world" together, there's another critical piece to this... You have to know WHAT TO DO with a man to move past that "casual" situation to a deeper committed relationship. I probably don't have to tell you that it's relatively EASY to get a man's physical interest and start a "casual" relationship. The tough part comes in when the fun and loving connection you're experiencing and sharing with a man starts to grow and one of two things happens: 1) He seems to be happy just being "casual" with you... and does nothing to have a more serious and committed relationship 2) He actually RESISTS growing with you in your relationship and starts to WITHDRAW more and more For lots of women, this is where they make a huge mistake with a man- Seeing that he's not initiating and bringing the relationship closer... out of fear or hurt feelings or their own desire, they start to try and CONVINCE the man in their life that he has to want a more committed relationship with them. Of course, if you know anything about human nature, or about men... you know that the natural human response when someone is intense about trying to CONVINCE you of something is for you to take on the corresponding role- To RESIST. It never ceases to amaze me how so many women never catch on to the fact that the more they try and talk to a man about how and why he SHOULD want more... the less and less interested the man becomes. On the other hand... if you learn what it is that makes a man want to grow closer to you and want to strengthen your relationship FOR HIS OWN REASONS... then there's not much you can do to talk a man out of wanting to be with you. No matter what you do. One of the most important things you can do with a man is to figure out his particular way of receiving and sharing love and affection. Not all men, or women, value the same things when it comes to receiving love and affection from their partner. Lots of women, for example, feel more loved and appreciated by a man who will take the time to go out and physically DO SOMETHING for them, like pick up something at the store, than they do by experiencing a man's physical touch or affection. Whereas another woman might want to TALK and HEAR the way a man feels to feel loved and appreciated. Well guess what? Men are the same way. They have different needs, and different ways of engaging and connecting that work best for them. And these are likely different from yours. If you don't learn what I call a man's "Love Preferences" are... and you don't learn what yours are, then you'll have a tough time making each other feel like your needs are being met... and that you "get" each other. This simple ability to identify what a man's "Love Preferences" are, how they work, and then communicate in the way HE values can make all the difference between struggling and getting nowhere with a man... and doing just one or two small things that "WOW!" him and get him instantly engaged and wanting to spend more time with you. To learn more about men’s “commitment” timeline, I strongly suggest you read Chapter 9 in my e-book, “Catch Him & Keep Him” where I talk about the secrets of communicating with men, speaking his language and setting relationship “standards” such as a long-term commitment: Download your copy today: I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love. Your Friend, Christian Carter
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