Why Successful Women Turn Men OffHave you ever thought to yourself that it's so annoying that most men just don't like independent, successful, smart women like you? Have you ever felt frustrated that since you really have your act together, and that you don't "need" a man... that this actually TURNS OFF lots of men. What's up with that!? Are men that weak, threatened and immature? Well, let me ask you a personal but important question about your love life. Does having success in your career or your life CHANGE the way you act in love relationships? Do you expect to have the same kind of success with men as you have in business, simply because you’re more “together” and you have more going for you? Think about it for a second. I'm asking, because I recently got an amazing email. It is from a woman who shares her realization about how she was treating her relationships because of the way she was managing all the OTHER aspects of her life. She has remarkable insight into the “bigger picture” of what she was doing wrong and how she could turn things around. Don’t get me wrong. Being strong, independent, smart and successful are all GREAT qualities in a woman. But they’re not necessarily a “guarantee” of relationship success. You’ll see what I mean when you read this fascinating e-mail: Email From A Reader Christian, I found your book to be incredibly interesting and quite insightful. Lots of moments of clarity on a subject that is, at least for me, fairly foggy. While I'm not exactly new to the dating game, each experience I have had with dating, boyfriends and even a fiancé has turned up new and exciting horror stories. And then all of a sudden, I think I see the light. In reading your notes about women who subconsciously send signals of essentially being too interested and men's responses to them, I totally saw myself. While I am more than a little reserved about an outright appearance of "needy" (I'm a very attractive, well educated, highly successful woman and I don't NEED anyone...right??) I suddenly realize, after reading your book, that my inner emotional state is actually very high-pressure, even if I try (probably unsuccessfully) to hide it. It's my inner control freak taking over. I find myself dressing a little nicer when I think I might run into the boy-du-jour. Positioning myself in places where I might "run into" him (I swear I'm not a stalker, but I think most women actually engage in this kind of ridiculousness). Fantasizing about my life with him in it. And all of a sudden, there I am, trying to take control and ensure the proper development of this "relationship". (of course- I'm always in control, right? That's how I've gotten so far in my career and other areas of life...) And then, inexplicably, the more I try to control the situation by impatiently interfering with the natural flow of things, the more I lose my patience and emotional cool. My long-winded point is, that prior to reading your book, I had not been able to step back from my own issues enough to realize that my "control" was actually making me lose control. Amazingly, this explains not only my own relationship breakdowns, but those of most of my gorgeous, successful girlfriends who also seem to have no luck with men. We have successfully built careers (and great figures) with hard work, persistence, and ultimately achieving control of our situations. It's a pattern that has worked in careers where competition and winning is key. However, sometimes I think we view romantic interactions with men, not as an interpersonal communication in which we must evaluate the other person's point of view, but as just another part of the life scheme that has been set forth for every good superwoman- the significant other that we are expected and expect to have. The problem is that. you never "have" another person. Nor should you. Your book made me step back and reevaluate how I have been going about dating- as though it was a means to an end. And I firmly believe that this was the point of breakdown for me (and probably for lots of other women). Dating must be viewed as a means to a relationship with another person, not as a means to HAVE that other person. Thus, that person's needs must be objectively evaluated as very much separate from my own. If men can be happy and even have a need to pursue and compete, then why be readily available? It just doesn't make sense when you put it that way. And you did. As a result of your book, I truly believe I will be able to reevaluate the way I look at the men I date- as PEOPLE. With individual interests, needs, wants, beliefs and expectations. Not as extensions of myself (like MY career and MY home) that I build based on my expectations, interests, etc. Thank you so much for sharing your gift of a fresh perspective, no doubt based upon plenty of extensive research. I really think this will change dating for me. Sincerely, A.W. in Missouri My Response Wow. I love hearing from smart, thoughtful, together women like you. Thanks for being so open and for sharing your personal experiences... and for the feedback about my book. There's something that really FASCINATING about what you've brought up. Over the last several 20 or 30 years, as women have started to enjoy a more "equal" place in society with careers, opportunity, etc, something STRANGE has happened. Have you noticed that women are not considered as “feminine” once they become successful and driven in their careers? I have. And not coincidentally, everywhere I go I hear women complain that men are so often INTIMIDATED by successful women, or they don’t want to be with women who are on an "equal" or higher standing than they are. Well, with so many women talking about this phenomenon, I tried to figure out how and why this is happening. And why men are responding the way they are. How can being smarter, more independent, talented, etc. than most people actually become something NEGATIVE? After lots of research, observation, and personal experience, here's what I realized about the "plight" of the successful and independent woman... I'm about to tell you the 4 top reasons why successful women often have a HARDER TIME finding lasting and fulfilling love than other women. REASON #1: INDEPENDENT AND SUCCESSFUL WOMEN ARE SMART ENOUGH TO BE DANGEROUS Have you ever noticed that no matter how educated a woman is, it doesn't make her immune to the same kind of relationship problems that less educated women face? Lots of women assume that since they're educated or intelligent that they can FIGURE OUT or solve any dumb little dating or relationship dilemma. They may even think they can figure out what’s “wrong” with a man if he doesn’t seem to be on the same page she is when it comes to love. They think that all it takes is enough analysis and determination and they'll work everything out. This couldn't be farther from the truth. You can't analyze or lay out the “logic” of a relationship to a man and, since you've figured it all out in your own mind... be able to CHANGE HIM and the relationship you both SHARE. He is either going to FEEL IT for you because the things you do and say around him fills him with the kinds of emotions that he wants more and more of... Or you're going to do things that keep him from FEELING the magic emotions of attraction, desire, connection, excitement, and LOVE... and and he isn’t going to want to spend more time with you andreally be with you. Here's the the thing... "Intellectualizing" your relationship to death, or analyzing his motives is more likely to have you standing alone in the cold than being held tightly in his arms. A man may respect your mind, but he won’t LOVE YOU because you're “right” about what isn't working in your relationship. Think about it. What are you communicating to a man when you're spending tons of time figuring out what's not working... and then bringing all this intense thought and energy to him at a moments notice? How does he respond to this? Is this what you REALLY WANT? Hmmm.... REASON #2: BELIEVING THAT "SUCCESS" IN OF ITSELF IS A TURN-ON FOR MEN I hear so many women tell me that they think men are scared of, turned off by, or intimidated by successful or independent women. I get where they're coming from, but they've got it upside down. The truth is, men DON'T DISLIKE successful women. But they don’t especially LIKE THEM, either. Let me explain... Most men DON'T CARE how successful a woman is. I mean it. They don't care. Here's why- It doesn’t matter what a woman does for a living, and it doesn’t matter how much money she makes- none of that is going to make a man FEEL anything for a woman. Following me here? Lots of women who are successful secretly believe that their SUCCESS should change how men act around them. They might tell their friends, “I’ve got a lot going for me. I’m smart, independent, I have a great job. What man WOULDN’T want me?” Sure, all those qualities are a great “bonus”, but if a woman doesn't UNDERSTAND how to attract a man and create a great relationship, all the career and financial success isn’t going to help her one bit. It’s the woman who learns how to ATTRACT a man and create the perfect space for love and connection who will be happy in love… no matter what her personal successes are (or aren’t). Lots of successful women seem to be disappointed by this fact. Understandably, they're frustrated that the respect and status that they've earned at the office or in life hasn't translated over to their love life. Let me put it to you another way. Imagine meeting a successful, rich man who was good-looking to boot, but who did absolutely NOTHING to make you feel any passion or emotional chemistry? And what if he was a real DUD when it came to attracting you or making you feel EXCITED to be with him? Or what if he was always so stressed or pre-occupied with his work, and how important it made him feel? Or what if he thought he could buy a new Ferrari with all the money he was making... and that of course you'd like him more then because he was such a catch and had it all together. How would these things change the way you felt about him? That’s right... you wouldn’t care so much about these "things" surrounding his life and his career and his "status" as much as you’d care about how he made you FEEL and the time and experiences you shared. Like it or not, it works the same way for men. Success may get you noticed with a man, and be a nice "check" on his woman checklist... but it sure won’t guarantee he’ll "feel it" for you, or stick around. REASON #3: ASSUMING THAT CAREER SUCCESS "STRATEGIES" WILL ALSO WORK WITH MEN AND RELATIONSHIPS Successful women have gotten that way because they’ve used certain career and business "strategies.” They try and test all kinds of new ideas, approaches, attitudes, etc. until they find what works and then they stick with the best. Strategies like being proactive, being clear when they communicate, following up, being assertive and knowing what the customer wants and how to give it to them. Stuff like that. These strategies work great in the academic or business world. Pretty soon, these women think they have the world and everyone around them all figured out. That is, until they run into a "guy-problem" and somehow everything seems to instantly go whacko and doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to. So what do they do? They take their best strategy and work it to death, trying in vain to get a good result. They may get “proactive” and call the guy when they don’t hear from him for a few days. Then they try to be clear and assertive when they communicate their disappointment. They may even make direct and logical suggestions on what he can do better next time. It’s stuff that would work with an employee or business associate, but it’s not stuff that’s going to work with a man in a romantic relationship. Not only do these kinds of things NOT WORK when it comes to intimate relationships... but they backfire and make things much worse than they were to begin with. A man certainly doesn't want to be "managed" by the woman he loves and desires. And he certainly doesn't want to be told how to do things down to the smallest detail, like a child. (even if he's acting like one) A man wants a woman he can be STRONG and CAPABLE for. A woman who he feels loves and appreciates him for who he is... and who knows how to handle him in an easygoing way when she needs something from him, or wants something. Lots of women do everything but make their man feel this way. vOf course, men are guilty of this behavior too. I don't have to tell you that. Tons of husbands come home each night and try to run their family and marriage with the cold logic and "efficiency" that they use to make decisions with at work. They come in and handle their beautiful woman as another thing on their "to do" list. Or they're so worn out and exhausted that the second they get in the door they "crash" and have nothing that they give to the most important person in their life- their woman. Just picture a man zoning out in front of the tv eating and impossible to talk to. Both of these are big mistakes for a man to make. This is a sure-fire way for a man to make a woman feel distant, unimportant and unappreciated for who she is. Is it possible that very successful women who work as hard or harder do something similar? It is possible. And lots do. REASON #4: THEY FALL INTO THE TRAP OF USING "MASCULINE ENERGY" TO SHAPE THEIR LOVE-LIFE The energy, drive, focus and discipline that can push women to success in their work can be a potent force to create the outcomes they want. Unfortunately, this same attitude and approach DOESN'T translate over to getting outcomes women might want with men, love and relationships. In fact, this attitude often becomes an OBSTACLE to creating an intimate and loving situation with a man. Successful women often make the mistake of approaching men and relationships with the same kind of INTENSITY and ENERGY that they use to influence or control things or get things done at work. They lead their interactions, conversations and decisions with men with what I call "masculine energy". They don’t just tell a man what they would love to do, they TELL him what they think needs to happen. They jump ahead and make plans and organize activities as the only decision maker. They try to “push” things into being more serious without consideration for what the man is thinking and feeling. In other words, they try to LEAD and CONTROL the relationship, sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly. But this sort of dynamic isn't the energy that creates an intense and LASTING CONNECTION with a man... And, as important, it doesn't give you as a woman the kind of involvement and inspired action you want from the man you're with. Instead, your masculine efforts to plan, lead and organize everything FOR HIM and you only make him less and less INSPIRED and involved. Here's the thing... It’s actually “feminine energy" that attracts a man and can lead him from acting distant, withdrawn, and not "pulling his weight" in the relationship... to being open and loving with a woman and constantly thinking and creating plans and experiences you share. The feminine is what is sensual and open, it’s the energy that CREATES SPACE for the relationship, instead of driving it. It’s what attracts a masculine man to a woman. Just like it's the man’s “masculine energy,” or strength, determination, intensity, purposefulness and focus that ATTRACTS a woman. Now, I'm not saying that women don't and shouldn't have masculine energy. Lots of attractive and interesting women are full of masculine energy. But I've learned that women can be VERY SUCCESSFUL and have AMAZING LOVE LIVES by knowing exactly WHEN to use masculine and when to use feminine energy. The key is awareness of what energy you’re projecting around a man. Most men aren't able to open up to or connect with a woman who's meeting them with "masculine energy". It’s a turn-off, actually. It doesn't make a man FEEL close, comfortable, or trusting. When men talk about not liking successful women, THIS is what they're talking about. It’s not that they don’t like her success, because that’s not what it’s about. It’s about how ATTRACTED he is to her and how she makes him FEEL. So let's wrap this up for now... One of the most critical things that I see successful women "missing" in their interactions with men is the idea of creating "Intellectual Attraction" - and using their natural "feminine energy" to do so. No matter who she is and what she does for a living, a man sees or meets a woman and Wham! He instantly falls for her, and he can't exactly explain why. Something is triggered deep inside his mind… And no amount of logic, analyzing, convincing or "success" in a woman's life can control this. If a man doesn't FEEL IT for a woman, nothing else will do the trick. After years or research and observations, I've finally "cracked the code" on what actually works to trigger ATTRACTION in men. And you'd be surprised to learn that ANY WOMAN can learn what these triggers are and how to start using them in her own life and relationship. Of course, I'm not just talking about that "one-night stand" kind of attraction. I'm talking about the "long-term-he-stays-up- all-night-thinks-about-her-all-the-time-and-does- crazy-romantic-boyish-things-just-because-he-has to" attraction. That deeper and more intimate "relationship material" attraction. I call this "Intellectual Attraction". In my e-book I talk about how any woman, including an analytical, successful and driven woman, can learn how to avoid all the common obstacles to love that they put up in their lives and that men respond negatively to. I discuss specific steps and theories about how to find and identify that great guy, build intense passion and attraction and turn all that into a great long-term situation with a man. So if you haven’t yet read my e-book yet, maybe this is your cue to take action. I'll even let you try my e-book for free for 7 full days just to see if you like it. That means all YOU have to do is be willing to open your mind to the idea that your love life can be better than it is right now. And believe that you can have the chemistry, lasting attraction and love that you deserve. Go here now: I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love. Your Friend, Christian Carter
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